Do you remember when you were young and people asked you want you wanted to be when you grow up? Your answers were limited only by your imagination.
As we grow older, answering questions become more complicated. The simple question of what to do over a long weekend requires consideration of multiple things. What to do? Where to go? Who to go with? How much money is required? What other things need doing?
These are not bad questions, of course. Growing older simply means we are more responsible and hence, need to take many more things into consideration. Unfortunately, our considerations often turn into constraints and, more often than we are willing to admit, those constraints are self-imposed.
At what point did turning into an adult become about limiting our possibilities?
Envelope
Children’s answers to their plans for the future are varied for many reasons, including what they happen to have been doing immediately before you asked them the question. This explains the extremely puzzling answer of “I want to be a rabbit” that I got from one particularly cute little girl. For the very young child, the future is one of unlimited possibility. Money is not an issue because they typically have no real understanding of it. What other people will think is not yet an issue. The young child is not yet hampered by societal expectations.
Fast forward to the young adult years and the question becomes much more complicated. Added to the practical questions of job opportunity and cost of preparation are the very real concerns about family responsibilities and societal role.
When embarking on any initiative, the considerations generally fall into a few easy categories: (a) are the outcomes desirable; and (b) are the outcomes achievable?
For the very young child, answers typically revolve solely around the first question of desirability. Furthermore, desirability tends to be very simply defined. Is it something that will make the child happy? Will it make anyone the child cares about unhappy? Since the child’s circle of people he cares about is very small, this last consideration is rarely limiting.
For the adult, even the question of desirability can be completely controversial. “What will people say?” That is a question that can be both real and tragic. For many of our life choices, especially those concerning career, the opinions of other people have a great effect on whether or not we succeed. Simply think about the term “in the closet” and what that means. How much of our life choices should be determined by the other people’s expectations versus our own preferences?
Horizon
The world of the child, of course, is actually much smaller than the world of an adult. There are many things they have not tried. In fact, one of the things I have always believed is that one of the most important jobs of a parent is to help a child expand his horizon. Parents need to help children try out new things, push their boundaries, discover what’s out there.
“How will you know until you try?” That is a question I often pose when I ask anyone to try out a new food or a new experience. Often, we decide not to try out new things because we make an assumption we won’t like it or, worse, can’t do it.
The funny thing is that many adults actually limit themselves. They assume there are things they simply will not enjoy or cannot do. And they never even try. They create a smaller world for themselves.
When we are faced with trying out something new, do we ask why or do we ask why not? Yes, certainly, the great thing about always ordering the same thing whenever you eat out is that you know you will like it. But that also means you prevent yourself from discovering something you will like even better. Of course, this means taking a risk that you won’t like the new thing you’re trying. The trick, of course, is to limit the potential damage. For example, in a big group, order one experimental dish. This means everyone gets to try something new but no one goes hungry.
Choices
The question of limits becomes even more difficult when it comes to work. It is easy to argue that personal decisions must be made based on personal desires. That is difficult enough. At work, then we have to take into account the organization’s policies, the culture and mores of the people in the organization.
While many organizations are trying their best to build in work flexibility, most companies still require a certain level of uniformity in the work environment. While companies have many tools in their arsenal to keep employees happy, they will mostly use pay, perks and benefits. The siren call of money is so strong that many individuals stay decades at a career they don’t really enjoy.
This is a topic much in my mind in recent months as I have been speaking with young people choosing between corporate careers and going off on their own. For those who are talented, the corporate world can be very tempting. It is so easy to answer the siren call of more money and more perks and to lose sight of how much of yourself and your time you are losing to your job.
While money is important and makes many things possible, there comes a time when it becomes a liability, the desire for earning more and more of it taking time away from what is truly important.
When I was young, I used to think about flying. That was the image in my mind when I thought about the future. I think this is the image I would want my children to have when they make their life choices. What is it that will make them feel light and free?
At the point when the job begins to feel more like a prison than a path, it is time to consider making a change. Two questions are important. What is it that truly makes you happy? How much money do you really need?
Readers can email Maya at [email protected]. Or visit her site at http://integrations.tumblr.com.