There is no divorce in the Philippines, but there is such a thing as a declaration of nullity of marriage.
It is not a good-enough substitute.
It’s a fact of life that relationships fail, however blissfully they may have begun. Sometimes, violence and hostility render the union a battlefield instead of the safe haven it is supposed to be. Differences become wider and more irreconcilable over time. Sometimes, the entire relationship is founded on a lie.
Many times, love dies and either or both of the parties eventually meet another person they know they can be happier with.
These truths, of course, may as well not exist in this “predominantly Catholic country” which views marriage as inviolable. No man should put asunder what God has brought together—or something to that effect.
That there are children in the picture make the decision to break more difficult. Parents are expected to place the interests of the children first: they are entitled to a home that is intact and secure, even at the expense of their parents’ happiness, safety —even sanity.
This is true, at least up to a point. Couples are supposed to work through their difficult periods and view separation as a last resort, whether or not they have children.
For many, however, marriage has become a tool for social validation and financial security. To remain married means to be seen favorably by others; separation is a failure. And who wants to be seen as having failed?
As a result, very much married individuals—and in this society, men more than women—engage in affairs and act as though there is nothing new or objectionable in them. As one congressman famously said: “Sino ba ang walang girlfriend [Who does not have a girlfriend]?”
This same congressman draws strength from his friend our President, who says there are too many women and too little time. Mr. Duterte recognizes the thinking is chauvinistic, but it’s there anyway. He draws the line at the ability to provide for the children such unions yield.
One wonders why wives bear these indignities. Are they that much concerned with appearances, themselves? Do they not realize they have a choice? Do they think they would be nothing outside of the marriage, or lack the strength to break free from their abusers? Is it old-fashioned, against-all-odds love?
It may be, too, that the costs are just too prohibitive.
Annulment has been an option for Filipinos for many years now, but it is also expensive and tedious—one has to shell out funds for courts, lawyers, psychologists and psychiatrists, not to mention endure a protracted trial period. The aim is to prove that either or both parties are suffering from a debilitating, incurable psychological disorder that renders them incapable of performing the essential obligations of marriage. The conditions must be clinically established even as the symptoms may have manifested themselves only after the wedding.
The final judgment of nullity means that there was no marriage to begin with—even as the existence of children provide incontrovertible proof. The refusal to acknowledge that there was a marriage in the first place is the ultimate delusion, the final folly.
We hope divorce would get some serious discussion in both Houses of Congress outside of the usual proselytizing common to our honorable, appearance-loving politicians.