By Menchu Aquino Sarmiento
“No child has an inherent right to a smart phone,” Dr. Anna Tuazon, a clinical developmental psychologist at the MedMom Institute for Child Development in Pasig, assures anxious and harried parents. Internet access, no matter how snail-paced, has never been easier and there are trolls or worse lurking out there that might prey upon our children.
Expect even elementary school kids to have a hysterical fit should you give them a mobile that has still a keypad. Useless to reason that this could suffice since you just want them to be able to reach you, and vice versa, in case of an emergency. Dr. Tuazon affirms that the very young are better off interacting with caring significant humans than with electronic screens. Happy is the rare parent whose angel child readily gives her all his passwords to every device and account!
As our children grow older, it is expedient to find a balance between protecting them and their fitting in. The most rudimentary phones are useless for chatting online with a possibly pervy stranger or trading compromising Instagram pictures which may return to haunt them years ahead, after they graduate and go job-hunting. Digital can be forever with apps that override Snapchat. Unlike video games, real life does not have a reset button.
Sexting and sharing full frontal nudies is more common than we care to realize. The author personally knows of a congressman who under an assumed name, gets off on sending photos of his junk to U.P. students less than a third his age. Yes, there are monsters and Pinoy Anthony Wieners in our midst.
“Why does your phone look like the cell phone of a yaya?” a preschool social climber asked an elder whose device was priced in the low four digits. Making sure your kid is not left out can be tricky. The current Pokemon Go craze has given a new social cachet to those who capture their pocket monsters abroad. Which just goes to show what some parents will do to make sure their kids do not just fit in, but are the leaders of the pack, and the coolest of the cool. The darker side for vulnerable kids and adults alike is Facebook depression—when no one likes your post and all your gazillion other friends seem to be eating amazing food and having a great time without you.
Recent studies have shown that over half of Filipino teens have experienced some form of cyberbullying or online harassment. Last year’s Pabebe Girl Palaban YouTube video, which went viral created an inordinate storm of insults and even violent threats (e.g. Sarap ilunod sa kubeta… Nakakasuka—dapat patayin…) from the millions who viewed it, as well as derisively lipsynched spoofs by celebrities. Because Filipinos are such voracious consumers of social media, the DepEd’s Child Protection Policy of 2012 now includes an online safety curriculum and lesson plans.
Most teen victims of cyberbullying will not ask their parents or teachers for help because they are just too ashamed. Dr. Tuazon tells alarmed parents of a phenomenon called “cat-fishing” where a third party secretly listens in on a chat with the aim of catching something juicily confidential and potentially damaging, with which the clueless first party has entrusted the duplicitous second party who’s in on the deception. Here is a prime teaching moment for values, morals, ethics, human decency and just plain good manners and right conduct.
There are risks but there are also benefits to using social media, as Dr. Tuazon points out, “All media is just a tool. Used properly, it can facilitate socialization and communication, and enhance learning opportunities.” The complexity of video game consoles and strategies pose valid cognitive challenges. Where there is sex and violence, parents should be involved to help the still immature teen to contextualize these. However, she draws the line at the notorious Grand Theft Auto and its spin-offs. Such heinous games should never be in children’s hands.
Parents must also exercise caution in their own social media use. Dr. Tuazon warns against the overly enthusiastic posting of photos of their children’s activities, and details such as where they go to school, family nicknames, vacation plans etc. In a state of nationwide lawlessness and emergency, imagine how easy it would be for criminal elements to use such information to gain the trust of our children for their own nefarious ends. So where digital and other forms of safety for our children are concerned, the safest bottom line is still: “Never talk to strangers.”