It’s not the holidays until your grandma gave you the bulkiest sweater you’ve ever seen, your friend got you a CD of a band you detest, your colleague got you another coffee mug, and your aunt gave you a green polka dotted shirt.
It’s true that while gift-giving can be a thoughtful and heartwarming experience, it can also put you in a predicament if you receive a gift from someone you don’t expect, if the gift doesn’t fit your personality, or if a gift is something that you already have.
Almost everyone will receive an unpleasant gift, but that doesn’t mean you have to make the gift giver feel bad, too. So here are five easy ways to deal with awkward gift-giving moments:
Keep your cool
Whether we like it or not, we will receive a gift once and a while that we don’t like, or that we already own. At the very least, try to keep your composure while your great aunt gives you a unicorn-themed gift that she’s been giving you for the past 18 years.
Maintaining eye contact, while engaged in a conversation with the gift giver, is also helpful while you’re in the middle of a gift-giving “disaster.”
“It’s only awkward if you make it a big deal,” said life coach Stephanie Jones in an article published on chicagotribune.com.
Practice gratitude
Acknowledgment of a gift is a matter of grace. It is gracious to understand the intent behind a gift and express happiness upon receiving it. Think about why they gave you the gift and thank them for that reason. Even if the gift giver made a wrong choice, they probably had at least one good reason for it.
Focus instead on acknowledging their thoughtfulness and generosity. Simply say, “You must have remembered that I love music. Thanks for the CD! I’m always looking forward to expanding my music collection.”
In terms of gifts, remember that you will never be disappointed if you don’t have any expectations. Sincere gift-giving, after all, is someone’s way of expressing gratitude or appreciation, and an expression of social ties that brings individuals together.
Ask a few questions
If things get a little more awkward, consider asking the gift giver about the present and how they thought of it. This is a good distraction from discussing whether or not you’ll use it. Ask them if they’ve got one themselves, ask where they bought it, or ask how best to use it, if applicable.
Say something like: “I don’t think I have seen such colorful socks like these; where did you get them? Do you have a pair for yourself?”
Provide gift suggestions
For some, having a prior conversation about presents they want to receive with family or friends feels like a violation of etiquette. But it is not. It is best to have a list of ideas to share when gift suggestions are asked by a friend or a relative.
Remember to be sensitive to the dynamics of each relationship. In some relationships, open and direct conversation is welcome and encouraged. Other relationships, however, may require for a more delicate and indirect approach.
For instance, you may suggest that you want to receive baked treats instead of presents or you may suggest that your relatives start a new gift-giving tradition.
You can also try dropping subtle hints about your Christmas wish list. Say something like, “Boy, I’ve got a closet full of sweaters. It’d be nice to get a pair of cat-eye sunglasses next year.”
According to etiquette expert Daniel Senning in an article published on Forbes.com, “It’s natural for traditions to evolve, but it’s nice to get everybody on board ahead of time. So, whenever you’re dealing with a change in tradition, it’s best to talk to everyone involved as soon as possible to explain why you want to make the change.”
Consider re-gifting
Be honest, we’ve all done it. Whether you’ve got the same present twice or the gift doesn’t really suit your personality, you can always give it to someone who needs it or who would love it.
A number of sub-rules, however, have sprung up around re-gifting to make it more socially acceptable. First, be absolutely sure that the original gift giver won’t accidentally find out you’re regifting it. For example, a gift from a second-cousin can be re-gifted to a former colleague. This should prevent a gift from finding its way back to the original giver like a fruitcake.
Second, make sure the person to whom you’re passing it along will appreciate it greatly. You don’t want to give the recipient a coffee-maker if you know she only drinks tea. And, finally, always rewrap the gift. Removing the old wrapper gives you a chance to check if there’s a personal note written for you.
Etiquette expert Blais Comeau said in an interview with cbc.ca to make sure the original gift giver won’t find out and take offense. “Don’t do it if it’s a family heirloom, don’t do it if it’s handmade or personalized in any way for you. Make sure to freshen up the package and that the original wrapping is still there,” she said.